Anyone Looking for Friar Tuck?

And so I went on that date with Jeff. And he was a very nice man. And he was short (I knew that) and he had a friar tuck hair style (which was NOT in the picture he sent) and he had a HUGE pot belly. And there was no sparks. Nada. Zilch.

I knew right away that I would not go out on a second date with Jeff. But more thought provoking for me was the notion of what I "settle" for, and have always settled for in my relationships with men.

I have a very strong personality. I am high verbal, and can talk circles around you if I don't control myself. I am opinionated and a physically large woman and the combo is not always so great when it comes to romance. The men who are attracted to me, it seems, are men who like the comfort of having someone be in charge. Men who may not be very confident and find relief in someone else making the decisions. The kind of men who avoid me are men who are like myself...(duh) men who are confident, outspoken and not afraid to make a decision pretty much like to do all those things around people who admire them for those qualities...who will sit and listen to what they have to say and who like others to make decisions.

Now that sounds all great and good...and I should tell myself "Hey...just find one of those men who like others to choose things for them and go for it!" But no, life cannot be that easy. I have had men like that. I married at least one of them...and it didn't go so hot. I got very tired of making all the decisions, and then I started to disrespect him for that same quality I thought I liked, and finally, I beat him into the ground and made him feel like shit about who he was. (Yes, there were extenuating circumstances, he played his part, yada yada, but that one sentence is pretty much the truth.)

I want a better relationship the next time. I didn't leave my husband to just find a worse version of him. I want something more healthy...I want an adult relationship with someone who is my equal and we both appreciate each other for what we are...and what we bring to the deal.

But I may be too extreme a personality to achieve that.