Not Getting What I Want

For most of my life, I have been able to get what I want. If I wanted to go on a vacation, I saved the money and scheduled the time off, and went. If I wanted an expensive purse, I purchased it. When I wanted to buy my first house, I worked on all the things I needed to do to get that house, and I got it. When I wanted my first child, I got her. When I wanted to be the Chief at my job, I worked very hard and I got the job. There have been very few things in my life that I wanted that I didn't get. I guess you could call me spoiled, or lucky or a combination.

In the last year, I have not been feeling so lucky or spoiled. Things are not coming so easy, and some of the things I want appear to be much harder to get. I am not miserable or tortured in anyway, but I am not satisified. And I think it is because I have stopped working hard to get them.

Here is what I want:

I want a man in my life. I don't necessarily need to be married, but I want to have a companion and life partner. Someone I can love and who can love me. This not having sex is not cutting it.

Thinking logically, why do I not have what I want?

Why I don't have a man:

1. I am 45 and very overweight. I do not show well for dating. There are not as many single 40 somethings out there, and if they are half way decent, they want younger women or women my age who look prettier than I look.

2. I have very bad knees. It makes me limp and walk funny. It makes me not very active and not willing to go walking or do fun stuff like that. It does not make me a fun date.

3. I surrounded myself with women friends and gay men. Not a lot of contact with 40 something single men. Hard to meet people if you don't get out there.

How do Fix these Items so I get what I want?

1. Lose weight. Eat less. Do whatever you can to make yourself prettier. Stop overeating because you are lonely and miserable or you will alwasy be lonely and miserable. Stop telling yourself that "someone" will love you in your condition. Hell, you don't even like the way you look so why should someone else? STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND GET IT DONE!

2. Have the Knee Surgery already! You have made the surgical appointment---now follow through as fast as possible. GET IT DONE!

3. Keep the friends and the gay men for now. You are going to need company while you lose weight and get your knees fixed. But when you are ready--- Put yourself out there and meet people.

Okay. I feel a little better. Sometimes I have to kick my own ass. I have about 6 months from now before I have the surgery and am able to be recovered. That is enough time to lose a bunch of weight.

FOCUS! FOCUS! FOCUS!