Frieght Trains and Cliffs

I am on a freight train, heading 100 MPH towards the cliff.

Why is time moving so quickly?

Locked in a Room with Myself

So I have been basically home alone in my room for about a week.  The snowstorms here in DC have made the government shut down and the roads hard to navigate.

It's not so bad.  The first few days were really hard.  I cried some...felt horrible the rest of the time.  But now on day 7...I am doing pretty good.

I still really like being with people still.  And I miss being friends with Nick.  But I think the party is over.  And it's time for me to pay the bill.

Pre-surgery Jitters

I am having anxiety about this surgery and I  need to get my head around it fast.  Looking for a guided imagery meditation that I can do to get my mind and body in sync and ready for this important life step.

I am going to imagine the following every time I get stressed about this surgery:

You are in strong and capable hands.  Imagine the large, strong hands of the maker massaging my knees..rubbing them firmly, the warmth of the hands penetrating the bones.  The massaging is making me sleepy and I fall into a deep sleep.  The maker's hands turns the knee bones into clay, and begins to reshape them.  First, he replaces the knee cap with a stronger one.  Then he replaces the missing cartilage...ensuring it will rub smoothly.

Imagine myself waking up, and understanding that this new knee is stiff because it has never been moved.  But the knee WILL move..slowly and over time.  No need for frustration.  Time and effort will work.  That is the design.  I am imaging the swelling is a sign that my body is getting used to the new knee...and as I drink water and walk as instructed, the water is slowly working itself out and the swelling will go down.

I know that I am making the right choice.  I am confident in the skill of my physician.  I will rely on the help and guidance of my mother, who will be beside me.

...And the Call Was COMING FROM THE HOUSE!!

You remember those 1980's Horror Movies...where the poor girl is receiving scary phone calls for a while, threatening to come and hurt her, and then finally,she looks down, sees the red light on the 2nd line in the house, and realizes that the CALL IS COMING FROM THE HOUSE!!! 

That is how I feel about the upcoming surgery date...the scariness is approaching...and very soon, the call is going to come and I won't be able to GET AWAY! 

I have ordered the shower seat, the hand held shower nozzle and the elevated toilet seat...(yes, folks...we are turning my beautiful, trendy apartment into a fucking nursing home!)

I am reading all the information I can, and am getting a grip on reality. 

And whenever I think about it, my hearts beats a little fast.